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Nosey Neighbours

by Clive PiG

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1.
Nosey Neighbours Nosey Neighbours G Dragging down the neighbourhood D G Nosey Neighbours G Never say nothing good D G Minding everybody' s business D But their own Rarely set foot outside their door They'd rather stay at home A Watching from the window D What's going on outside G Taking note of who does what A It keeps them occupied D Nosey Neighbours, etc Drinking tea From their china cups Any movement that they see Up they jump Undercover Watchdogs Working for the avenue As dozy as they're nosey They haven't got a clue They see things which just ain't there G D Orgies at a Tupperware A D Party. Shot guns G D Under the stairs A Your children are delinquent thugs G D The reverend is dealing drugs A D They see evil everywhere G A D Nosey Neighbours, etc They've a hot line To the local police A photograph of' Batman Above the mantelpiece Everybody laughs at them They all think they're mad They don't care, ’coz what they think of you Is twice as bad They think your grass needs cutting And your garden is a mess Your house is falling down And they'll report you to the press If' you don't shut your windows When you 're making love ’cos they can hear Every sound you make Keeps them awake They think you 're weird Nosey Neighbours, etc © Clive PiG Written and composed in October 1991
2.
Eye Contact 04:33
Eye Contact The young man sat at the table The girl filled the kettle with water The parents were not in the house It was 5 o’clock in the morning She was called Karen His name was Cliff They had been to a discotheque But they had not danced They had talked a lot & smoked a lot of cigarettes Cliff was even a little drunk But he had driven back He was the kind of person who never had accidents & then she said “Why don’t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?” She wasn’t angry, but curious She wanted him to look at her more She liked him They had not yet touched Cliff hadn’t answered & so, she repeated her question “Why don’t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?” Ooh! “It's disconcerting,” she continued, “because you don 't come across as the type of person who would have difficulty in making and sustaining eye contact, but when you talk to me, you keep looking away, & I find myself looking at what you’re doing rather than listening to what you 're saying … You look at me You look away I look at you You look away You look at me I look at you You look away At the four walls Your eyeballs are like ping pong balls Boing! from the table Boing! up to the ceiling You bounce on to my nose Your fingernails, my clothes Then out of the window Next you at my neck You look at the floor You look at my legs Then you look at the door My left eye My right eye My left My right My, how your eyeballs fidget Now you 're fiddling with your pen Then off you go again All around the kitchen Stop flitting around Settle down Stop still & make eyes at me, Cliff! “Why don ' t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?” Ooh! Poor old Cliff, No-one had ever spoken to him like that before He wasn’t exactly sure what she was going on about Cliff was a little puzzled at this sudden outburst. © Clive PiG
3.
Stuck On His Face He liked to dress up, He liked playing games. Changing his voice, Changing his name. But he’d always go too far, He would never learn. Now he’s gone somewhere From which he can’t return. (Chant after each verse.) Stuck on his face! Stuck on his face! He’s got a mask Stuck on his face! He’s not who he was, An extraordinary case. He’s got a mask Stuck on his face! He went to a party Disguised as someone else. Got carried away, Couldn’t help himself. Upset a lot of people, Brought the party to an end. ‘It was just a joke,’ he said. But he never saw his friends again. (Chant...Stuck on his face! etc.) Now he can’t get it off, It’s stuck to his skin. The mask is taking over, It’s controlling him. His left hand doesn’t know What his right hand is doing. His arms and legs can’t tell If they’re coming or going. His head feels as if It’s on back to front. He can’t say or do A single thing he wants. (Chant...Stuck on his face! etc.) © Clive PiG
4.
Murder In The Hotel G Bm C D Last night I didn’t sleep a wink & I’ve just been sick in the sink My nerves are all a jitter, I’m a little unwell There’s been a murder in the hotel A murder in the hotel in the room next to mine Particularly gruesome, a grisly crime I don’t know all the details but I heard a call For mercy as the head hit the wall It went bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! Well it was more of a thud than a bang & I didn’t do anything Do you want to know why? I was petrified Outside my door in the corridor Were the wildest most dangerous insanest bunch/cast of characters I’d ever come across in my 33/35 years of existence That’s why I minded my own business When I heard bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! Someone urinated against my door As someone smashed bottles on the floor I heard arguing & answering back The music to accompany this was the perfect soundtrack Full volume on the next it was off I heard someone splutter, another cough There was a funny smell, a holler and yell Then I knew exactly what was happening only too well Just another crackhead bites the dust The hit he scored was his last It must have been a blast Getting his skull bust Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! Thud! Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! Thud! Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! The establishment has lived up to its reputation Life here’s as cheap as the accommodation Most of the residents are permanent A welfare cheque away from living on the payment A cockroach climbs into my glass Usually I’m up and at ‘em fast But I just let it have its way It falls into the whiskey Just the thickness of a wall separates us The man is dead, and I feel useless Both of us lying still and numb Waiting for the police to come. © Clive PiG Experienced, written and composed Feb 90
5.
The Sweet Pain of Missing You V1 The sweet pain of missing you D Lingers like a perfume F# maj7 But light rain, fine mist, morning dew, G Don't last long and very soon Em Something else takes their place But since you've gone you've been replaced By the sweet pain of missing you. D G D V2 The sweet pain of missing you This exquisite gift Inflames and then becalms me so Sinks me and then lifts my spirits And I feel so close and yet so far away it hurts oh The sweet pain of missing you Somewhere, an oyster in the sea G7 D Turns a precious pearl Em D Somewhere, deep inside of me Burns the essence of my girl V3 The sweet pain of missing you Descended as you went away Claimed the void of solitude A friend who’s come to stay A constant reminder that you’re not here The sweet pain of missing you. Who needs a photograph G7 D To trigger memories? Em D It’s more than enough When you’ve got this luxury Wherever you are Bm Whatever we do Fm You’re inside of me Em & I’m part of you F#maj7 V4 The sweet pain of missing you Lingers like a perfume But light rain, fine mist, morning dew, Don't last long and very soon Something else takes their place But since you've gone you've been replaced By the sweet pain of missing you. © Clive PiG Imagined, written and composed January 1992
6.
I Woke Up & My Dream Had Gone I woke up and my dream had gone F Gm What on earth is going on Am Bflat C I woke up and my dream had gone What on earth is going on I found it hard to get to sleep Dm Am Tossed and turned all night Gm Am Even tried counting sheep Dm Bflat Proved a hopeless plight F C ’Cos the big bad wolf Dm Came out the woods Am & tore them limb from limb Bflat Gm He called out to Red Hiding Hood Bflat F Who sat and dined with him C I woke up and my dream had gone F Gm What on earth is going on Am Bflat C I woke up and my dream had gone What on earth is going on V2 I turned over to cuddle her But there was no-one there On her pillow lay a letter & a strand of her fair hair I rubbed my eyes I pinched my arm I called out her name Then I saw that all her things had gone I knew it was all in vain I woke up and my dream had gone … V3 As I got out of the bed & walked towards the door I put my hands to my head And stumbled to the floor Suddenly the carpet Has been pulled from under me & I Fall without a safety net And tumble through the sky I woke up and my dream had gone … © Clive PiG Conceived and delivered July 1992
7.
When She Awoke This Morning (Who’d Have Thought She’s Be Dead By The Evening) Intro G Bm C D G Bm C G Bm C D G REFRAIN When she awoke this morning G Em Who’d have thought she’d be dead by the evening. C D C She’d never sleep in her bed again G Bm Kiss her lover, nor see her friends. Em C D No chance to say goodbye, G Bm No-one she knew saw her go. Em C What were her last thoughts? G Bm We’ll never know. C D G VERSE1 She didn’t look right C She didn’t look left D G She didn’t look right C She flew through the air. G D She stepped off the pavement C D Now lies on the tarmac G D Surrounded by strangers C D One’s holding her hand. D G As her life slips away C D At the end of the day G D As her life slips away C I heard someone say … D REFRAIN VERSE 2 What do you have in your carrier bag? Did you buy something to try on at home? Now that Marks & Spencers have lost your custom This is one garment which won't be returned. As your shoppin list blows down the High St. Someone, not me, wonders why. As your shopping list blows down the High St. Someone, not me, starts to cry. REFRAIN VERSE 3 You look like you're sleeping What would you be dreaming? Would this be your nightmare To die like this? Oh I wish you'd stand up & brush yourself down Make your way through the crowd & carry on shopping. I'd buy you a tea to steady your nerves I'd buy you a tea, but I'd need something stronger 'Cos the driver had no chance to swerve C D G The driver had no time to swerve C D G You gave me no chance to swerve. C D REFRAIN © Clive PiG
8.
She Says Yes 04:15
She Says Yes V1 When she left ’felt so bad G Bm ’kicked myself for being such a big coward Am7 Bm7 G ’ should have asked her there and then Now I’d never ever see her again You stupid fool Bm Em You let her walk away Bm Em You stupid fool Bm Em Don’t you know that she feels the same way C D V2 I shed a tear my how I did cry I saw her face as we’d said goodbye Monday was the first we’d ever met By Friday I knew that this was it You stupid fool You let her walk away Stupid stupid stupid fool Don’t you know that she feels the same way Don’t you sense that CHORUS Don’t you know that She says Yes! C D G Can’t you tell that She says Yes! Don’t you think that She says Yes! Can’t you guess that She says Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! C D V3 ’haven’t got a number only her address ’hop on a bus make a wish ’knock on her door no reply ’try again ’heave a sigh Oh dear me What to be done Dear dear me Sit upon the doorstep ’til she comes CHORUS INSTRUMENTAL V4 Meanwhile back at your place A woman waits outside Round and round she paces Up and down she strides She kicks a football Back to some kids She kicked that football With a skill she didn’t know she possessed CHORUS © Clive PiG Conceived and delivered September 1991
9.
Tattoo Tango 04:26
Tattoo Tango V1 I don’t need you To tell me what to do If I want two Then that’s what I’ll do If I want three Or three hundred and thirty-three If I want three Or three million and three That’s up to me V2 You say I might regret it But all I regret is Listening to you You say I might regret it But all I regret Is believing in you Mind your own business Get out of my life Mind your own business Get out with your life V3 A devil on my arse An angel at my breast A turtle dove on my arm A golden eagle across my chest … V4 I might put the name Of my next girl on I might have a broken heart But the heart I pay for Will last ’til Kingdom Come From it I’ll never part Yes the heart I ‘ll pay for Will last ’til Kingdom Come From it I’ll never part I might put the name Of my next girl on I might have a broken heart V5 Tattoo man says, ‘Sure you know what you’re doing?’ I say, ‘’course not Sure you know what you’re doing? Needle goes in breaks my skin …ink flows in I pass out what a wimp But when I wake I have to blink Then stare at your face On my arm, you wink I scream and tear my flesh Flail around, you grin Can’t get you out of my mind Now I can’t get you off my skin. © Clive PiG Conceived and delivered March 1992
10.
Snakes Beneath The Floorboards Intro Am D7 x3 X2 V1 Doc Rather shot another last night Am D7 x2 Rooting through his trash. Am D7 G Then frozen by the porchlight Am D7 x2 Into the garbage can it crashed. C D Am They're getting bolder by the day. They are no longer scared. The rumour’s that there's more on the way. They want what 's theirs. The Outside's coming inside D G A Nature's moving home. The Outside's coming Inside We are not alone C D Am. Am D7 X3 G X2 V2 There's a tension indoors A breakdown of laws There's a danger in turning your back. On the trees & the movement that isn't the breeze On the darkness that’s angry with claws. Beaks peck & scratch, fur bristles Teeth bared … are they gonna attack? Hoots, howls, yelps, snarls, growls, spit, hiss ...! Listen to the wilderness There is no turning back. The Outside's coming inside Nature' s moving home. The Outside's coming inside We are not alone. CHORUS There's snakes beneath the floorboards Em Bm7 They slither & they slide. Am7 Bm7 A grizzly’s at the front door Em 7 Bm7 A suitcase by its side. C D Scratching at the window Something's on the roof. That something's coming down the chimney Sounds like a moose. . . is that a hoof? Am D7 X3 G X2 They are not going to hibernate They will not go south. They're looking to you to accommodate them & they've got hungry mouths. Winter’s coming & so are they Animals & monsters too. They've got their rights . . . they want their say They want to live with you. The Outside's coming inside Nature's moving home. The Outside's coming inside We are not alone. CHORUS Snakes beneath the floorboards Lizards on the wall Racoons on the rooftop Snow begins to fall Supper’s in the oven The television’s on Slowly gently roasting Is Doctor Rather’s son. Snakes beneath the floorboards Wolves before the fire. Skunks are on the sofa Musk rat 's getting high. Snakes beneath the floorboards The television's on. Turkey's in the bath. Coyote's kissing beavers Cougar's chasing larks. Am D7 X3 G X2 © Clive PiG & Geoff Inverarity
11.
Sally Is A Dancer a cappella Sally is a dancer and she’s always on the move She is so dedicated, she hasn’t even got a minute I have to grab her when I can – make love there and then She says you’ve got to be single minded if you want to get anywhere. Sally is a dancer and she’s often in the air It’s hard to pin her down but I don’t mind, I don’t care Just to be around her that’s enough for me She’s a human dynamo, I bounce off that energy When she dances, I’m electrified The way she moves through space Doth the laws of gravity defy When she dances, I can’t but gasp The shapes she makes with such style and grace Would make a contortionist blush Sally is a dancer and she’s always on the phone Or else she’s waiting for a call herself ‘though it’s odd to find her at home She’s likely to be out to lunch Busy with rehearsals, classes and engagements Auditions for a West End show But she’s better than that you know because … When she dances I am hypnotised She’s the fox, I’m the rabbit I’ll be bitten if I don’t watch it When she dances I’m rooted to the spot It’s hard to tell if she’s a girl A spirit, the wind or what?!? When she dances, I’m electrified The way she moves through space Doth the laws of gravity defy When she dances, I can’t but gasp The shapes she makes with such style and grace Would make a contortionist blush. © Clive PiG
12.

about

Originally a cassette released for singer-songwriter tours of Canada in the early 90's.

credits

released April 1, 1993

Recorded at Bill's Boudoir + Bilko's Studio, St. Albans,UK 1993
Co-produced by Bill Johnson
Engineered by Pete Bilk

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about

Clive PiG Newton Abbot, UK

Clive PiG is an International Storyteller, musician and potato juggler.
www.clivepig.co.uk

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