1. |
Nosey Neighbours
02:57
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Nosey Neighbours
Nosey Neighbours G
Dragging down the neighbourhood D G
Nosey Neighbours G
Never say nothing good D G
Minding everybody' s business D
But their own
Rarely set foot outside their door
They'd rather stay at home A
Watching from the window D
What's going on outside G
Taking note of who does what A
It keeps them occupied D
Nosey Neighbours, etc
Drinking tea
From their china cups
Any movement that they see
Up they jump
Undercover Watchdogs
Working for the avenue
As dozy as they're nosey
They haven't got a clue
They see things which just ain't there G D
Orgies at a Tupperware A D
Party. Shot guns G D
Under the stairs A
Your children are delinquent thugs G D
The reverend is dealing drugs A D
They see evil everywhere G A D
Nosey Neighbours, etc
They've a hot line
To the local police
A photograph of' Batman
Above the mantelpiece
Everybody laughs at them
They all think they're mad
They don't care, ’coz what they think of you
Is twice as bad
They think your grass needs cutting
And your garden is a mess
Your house is falling down
And they'll report you to the press
If' you don't shut your windows
When you 're making love ’cos they can hear
Every sound you make
Keeps them awake
They think you 're weird
Nosey Neighbours, etc
© Clive PiG
Written and composed in October 1991
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2. |
Eye Contact
04:33
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Eye Contact
The young man sat at the table
The girl filled the kettle with water
The parents were not in the house
It was 5 o’clock in the morning
She was called Karen
His name was Cliff
They had been to a discotheque
But they had not danced
They had talked a lot
& smoked a lot of cigarettes
Cliff was even a little drunk
But he had driven back
He was the kind of person who never had accidents
& then she said
“Why don’t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?”
She wasn’t angry, but curious
She wanted him to look at her more
She liked him
They had not yet touched
Cliff hadn’t answered
& so, she repeated her question
“Why don’t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?”
Ooh!
“It's disconcerting,” she continued, “because you don 't come across as the type of person who would have difficulty in making and sustaining eye contact, but when you talk to me, you keep looking away, & I find myself looking at what you’re doing rather than listening to what you 're saying …
You look at me
You look away
I look at you
You look away
You look at me
I look at you
You look away
At the four walls
Your eyeballs are like ping pong balls
Boing! from the table
Boing! up to the ceiling
You bounce on to my nose
Your fingernails, my clothes
Then out of the window
Next you at my neck
You look at the floor
You look at my legs
Then you look at the door
My left eye
My right eye
My left
My right
My, how your eyeballs fidget
Now you 're fiddling with your pen
Then off you go again
All around the kitchen
Stop flitting around
Settle down
Stop still & make eyes at me, Cliff!
“Why don ' t you look me in the eye when you talk to me?”
Ooh!
Poor old Cliff,
No-one had ever spoken to him like that before
He wasn’t exactly sure what she was going on about
Cliff was a little puzzled at this sudden outburst.
© Clive PiG
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3. |
Stuck On His Face
03:14
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Stuck On His Face
He liked to dress up,
He liked playing games.
Changing his voice,
Changing his name.
But he’d always go too far,
He would never learn.
Now he’s gone somewhere
From which he can’t return.
(Chant after each verse.)
Stuck on his face!
Stuck on his face!
He’s got a mask
Stuck on his face!
He’s not who he was,
An extraordinary case.
He’s got a mask
Stuck on his face!
He went to a party
Disguised as someone else.
Got carried away,
Couldn’t help himself.
Upset a lot of people,
Brought the party to an end.
‘It was just a joke,’ he said.
But he never saw his friends again.
(Chant...Stuck on his face! etc.)
Now he can’t get it off,
It’s stuck to his skin.
The mask is taking over,
It’s controlling him.
His left hand doesn’t know
What his right hand is doing.
His arms and legs can’t tell
If they’re coming or going.
His head feels as if
It’s on back to front.
He can’t say or do
A single thing he wants.
(Chant...Stuck on his face! etc.)
© Clive PiG
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4. |
Murder In The Hotel
04:00
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Murder In The Hotel
G Bm C D
Last night I didn’t sleep a wink
& I’ve just been sick in the sink
My nerves are all a jitter, I’m a little unwell
There’s been a murder in the hotel
A murder in the hotel in the room next to mine
Particularly gruesome, a grisly crime
I don’t know all the details but I heard a call
For mercy as the head hit the wall
It went bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang!
Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang!
Well it was more of a thud than a bang
& I didn’t do anything
Do you want to know why?
I was petrified
Outside my door in the corridor
Were the wildest most dangerous insanest bunch/cast of characters
I’d ever come across in my 33/35 years of existence
That’s why I minded my own business
When I heard bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang!
Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang!
Someone urinated against my door
As someone smashed bottles on the floor
I heard arguing & answering back
The music to accompany this was the perfect soundtrack
Full volume on the next it was off
I heard someone splutter, another cough
There was a funny smell, a holler and yell
Then I knew exactly what was happening only too well
Just another crackhead bites the dust
The hit he scored was his last
It must have been a blast
Getting his skull bust
Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! Thud! Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang!
Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang! Thud! Bang! Crack! Crack! Bang!
The establishment has lived up to its reputation
Life here’s as cheap as the accommodation
Most of the residents are permanent
A welfare cheque away from living on the payment
A cockroach climbs into my glass
Usually I’m up and at ‘em fast
But I just let it have its way
It falls into the whiskey
Just the thickness of a wall separates us
The man is dead, and I feel useless
Both of us lying still and numb
Waiting for the police to come.
© Clive PiG
Experienced, written and composed Feb 90
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5. |
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The Sweet Pain of Missing You
V1
The sweet pain of missing you D
Lingers like a perfume F# maj7
But light rain, fine mist, morning dew, G
Don't last long and very soon Em
Something else takes their place
But since you've gone you've been replaced
By the sweet pain of missing you. D G D
V2
The sweet pain of missing you
This exquisite gift
Inflames and then becalms me so
Sinks me and then lifts my spirits
And I feel so close and yet so far away it hurts oh
The sweet pain of missing you
Somewhere, an oyster in the sea G7 D
Turns a precious pearl Em D
Somewhere, deep inside of me
Burns the essence of my girl
V3 The sweet pain of missing you
Descended as you went away
Claimed the void of solitude
A friend who’s come to stay
A constant reminder that you’re not here
The sweet pain of missing you.
Who needs a photograph G7 D
To trigger memories? Em D
It’s more than enough
When you’ve got this luxury
Wherever you are Bm
Whatever we do Fm
You’re inside of me Em
& I’m part of you F#maj7
V4
The sweet pain of missing you
Lingers like a perfume
But light rain, fine mist, morning dew,
Don't last long and very soon
Something else takes their place
But since you've gone you've been replaced
By the sweet pain of missing you.
© Clive PiG
Imagined, written and composed January 1992
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6. |
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I Woke Up & My Dream Had Gone
I woke up and my dream had gone F Gm
What on earth is going on Am Bflat C
I woke up and my dream had gone
What on earth is going on
I found it hard to get to sleep Dm Am
Tossed and turned all night Gm Am
Even tried counting sheep Dm Bflat
Proved a hopeless plight F C
’Cos the big bad wolf Dm
Came out the woods Am
& tore them limb from limb Bflat Gm
He called out to Red Hiding Hood Bflat F
Who sat and dined with him C
I woke up and my dream had gone F Gm
What on earth is going on Am Bflat C
I woke up and my dream had gone
What on earth is going on
V2
I turned over to cuddle her
But there was no-one there
On her pillow lay a letter
& a strand of her fair hair
I rubbed my eyes
I pinched my arm
I called out her name
Then I saw that all her things had gone
I knew it was all in vain
I woke up and my dream had gone …
V3
As I got out of the bed
& walked towards the door
I put my hands to my head
And stumbled to the floor
Suddenly the carpet
Has been pulled from under me & I
Fall without a safety net
And tumble through the sky
I woke up and my dream had gone …
© Clive PiG
Conceived and delivered July 1992
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7. |
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When She Awoke This Morning (Who’d Have Thought She’s Be Dead By The Evening)
Intro G Bm C D G Bm C G Bm C D G
REFRAIN
When she awoke this morning G Em
Who’d have thought she’d be dead by the evening. C D C
She’d never sleep in her bed again G Bm
Kiss her lover, nor see her friends. Em C D
No chance to say goodbye, G Bm
No-one she knew saw her go. Em C
What were her last thoughts? G Bm
We’ll never know. C D G
VERSE1
She didn’t look right C
She didn’t look left D G
She didn’t look right C
She flew through the air. G D
She stepped off the pavement C D
Now lies on the tarmac G D
Surrounded by strangers C D
One’s holding her hand. D G
As her life slips away C D
At the end of the day G D
As her life slips away C
I heard someone say … D
REFRAIN
VERSE 2
What do you have in your carrier bag?
Did you buy something to try on at home?
Now that Marks & Spencers have lost your custom
This is one garment which won't be returned.
As your shoppin list blows down the High St.
Someone, not me, wonders why.
As your shopping list blows down the High St.
Someone, not me, starts to cry.
REFRAIN
VERSE 3
You look like you're sleeping
What would you be dreaming?
Would this be your nightmare
To die like this?
Oh I wish you'd stand up & brush yourself down
Make your way through the crowd & carry on shopping.
I'd buy you a tea to steady your nerves
I'd buy you a tea, but I'd need something stronger
'Cos the driver had no chance to swerve C D G
The driver had no time to swerve C D G
You gave me no chance to swerve. C D
REFRAIN
© Clive PiG
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8. |
She Says Yes
04:15
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She Says Yes
V1
When she left ’felt so bad G Bm
’kicked myself for being such a big coward Am7 Bm7 G
’ should have asked her there and then
Now I’d never ever see her again
You stupid fool Bm Em
You let her walk away Bm Em
You stupid fool Bm Em
Don’t you know that she feels the same way C D
V2
I shed a tear my how I did cry
I saw her face as we’d said goodbye
Monday was the first we’d ever met
By Friday I knew that this was it
You stupid fool
You let her walk away
Stupid stupid stupid fool
Don’t you know that she feels the same way
Don’t you sense that
CHORUS
Don’t you know that She says Yes! C D G
Can’t you tell that She says Yes!
Don’t you think that She says Yes!
Can’t you guess that She says Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! C D
V3
’haven’t got a number only her address
’hop on a bus make a wish
’knock on her door no reply
’try again ’heave a sigh
Oh dear me
What to be done
Dear dear me
Sit upon the doorstep ’til she comes
CHORUS
INSTRUMENTAL
V4
Meanwhile back at your place
A woman waits outside
Round and round she paces
Up and down she strides
She kicks a football
Back to some kids
She kicked that football
With a skill she didn’t know she possessed
CHORUS
© Clive PiG
Conceived and delivered September 1991
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9. |
Tattoo Tango
04:26
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Tattoo Tango
V1
I don’t need you
To tell me what to do
If I want two
Then that’s what I’ll do
If I want three
Or three hundred and thirty-three
If I want three
Or three million and three
That’s up to me
V2
You say I might regret it
But all I regret is
Listening to you
You say I might regret it
But all I regret
Is believing in you
Mind your own business
Get out of my life
Mind your own business
Get out with your life
V3
A devil on my arse
An angel at my breast
A turtle dove on my arm
A golden eagle across my chest …
V4
I might put the name
Of my next girl on
I might have a broken heart
But the heart I pay for
Will last ’til Kingdom Come
From it I’ll never part
Yes the heart I ‘ll pay for
Will last ’til Kingdom Come
From it I’ll never part
I might put the name
Of my next girl on
I might have a broken heart
V5
Tattoo man says,
‘Sure you know what you’re doing?’
I say, ‘’course not
Sure you know what you’re doing?
Needle goes in breaks my skin
…ink flows in
I pass out what a wimp
But when I wake I have to blink
Then stare at your face
On my arm, you wink
I scream and tear my flesh
Flail around, you grin
Can’t get you out of my mind
Now I can’t get you off my skin.
© Clive PiG
Conceived and delivered March 1992
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10. |
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Snakes Beneath The Floorboards
Intro Am D7 x3 X2
V1
Doc Rather shot another last night Am D7 x2
Rooting through his trash. Am D7 G
Then frozen by the porchlight Am D7 x2
Into the garbage can it crashed. C D Am
They're getting bolder by the day.
They are no longer scared.
The rumour’s that there's more on the way.
They want what 's theirs.
The Outside's coming inside D G A
Nature's moving home.
The Outside's coming Inside
We are not alone C D Am.
Am D7 X3 G X2
V2
There's a tension indoors
A breakdown of laws
There's a danger in turning your back.
On the trees & the movement that isn't the breeze
On the darkness that’s angry with claws.
Beaks peck & scratch, fur bristles
Teeth bared … are they gonna attack?
Hoots, howls, yelps, snarls, growls, spit, hiss ...!
Listen to the wilderness
There is no turning back.
The Outside's coming inside
Nature' s moving home.
The Outside's coming inside
We are not alone.
CHORUS
There's snakes beneath the floorboards Em Bm7
They slither & they slide. Am7 Bm7
A grizzly’s at the front door Em 7 Bm7
A suitcase by its side. C D
Scratching at the window
Something's on the roof.
That something's coming down the chimney
Sounds like a moose. . . is that a hoof?
Am D7 X3 G X2
They are not going to hibernate
They will not go south.
They're looking to you to accommodate them
& they've got hungry mouths.
Winter’s coming & so are they
Animals & monsters too.
They've got their rights . . . they want their say
They want to live with you.
The Outside's coming inside
Nature's moving home.
The Outside's coming inside
We are not alone.
CHORUS
Snakes beneath the floorboards
Lizards on the wall
Racoons on the rooftop
Snow begins to fall
Supper’s in the oven
The television’s on
Slowly gently roasting
Is Doctor Rather’s son.
Snakes beneath the floorboards
Wolves before the fire.
Skunks are on the sofa
Musk rat 's getting high.
Snakes beneath the floorboards
The television's on.
Turkey's in the bath.
Coyote's kissing beavers
Cougar's chasing larks.
Am D7 X3 G X2
© Clive PiG & Geoff Inverarity
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11. |
Sally Is A Dancer
02:56
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Sally Is A Dancer a cappella
Sally is a dancer and she’s always on the move
She is so dedicated, she hasn’t even got a minute
I have to grab her when I can – make love there and then
She says you’ve got to be single minded if you want to get anywhere.
Sally is a dancer and she’s often in the air
It’s hard to pin her down but I don’t mind, I don’t care
Just to be around her that’s enough for me
She’s a human dynamo, I bounce off that energy
When she dances, I’m electrified
The way she moves through space
Doth the laws of gravity defy
When she dances, I can’t but gasp
The shapes she makes with such style and grace
Would make a contortionist blush
Sally is a dancer and she’s always on the phone
Or else she’s waiting for a call herself
‘though it’s odd to find her at home
She’s likely to be out to lunch
Busy with rehearsals, classes and engagements
Auditions for a West End show
But she’s better than that you know because …
When she dances I am hypnotised
She’s the fox, I’m the rabbit
I’ll be bitten if I don’t watch it
When she dances I’m rooted to the spot
It’s hard to tell if she’s a girl
A spirit, the wind or what?!?
When she dances, I’m electrified
The way she moves through space
Doth the laws of gravity defy
When she dances, I can’t but gasp
The shapes she makes with such style and grace
Would make a contortionist blush.
© Clive PiG
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12. |
Clive PiG Newton Abbot, UK
Clive PiG is an International Storyteller, musician and potato juggler.
www.clivepig.co.uk
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